The Courage To Be Vulnerable

To embark on the journey of building the courage to be vulnerable with oneself and those close to us is honestly one of the biggest acts of self love/ care one can undertake. You see, the trouble with carrying all the stories, pain and ideals others have placed on us and that we may also have come to believe ourselves, is that it consumes us from the inside until we don’t truly know who we are anymore. Just plodding by; in survival mode, with extensive fears of being seen and heard- thus people pleasing at all costs . Unaware boundaries exist, let alone how to use them- thus never really having our needs met. Along with generally feeling overwhelmed, overworked and unappreciated. From much self-work, reflection and therapy, I have found that the underlying cause underpinning all this was a deep sense of shame. Shame of what we’ve had to do to survive thus far, shame about the coping mechanisms we’ve developed, shame about our self sabotage tendencies and a darker undeserving shame of even existing.

The thing is,  those of us with long histories of trauma genuinely believe that this shame is warranted. But I promise you, that shame is not yours to carry. You are strong, resilient and your body and mind did what they needed to do all of those years to survive. It is not your fault. The world is safer than you think. Yet I know for some, reading this may seem as absurd as reading the sky is green.

So with grace, I strongly encourage you to attempt to open up with yourself about these stories you carry. If you are yet to process/ recall them, then I recommend free-flow written journaling (see morning pages from the artists way) which helped me immensely, or a myriad of free journal prompts you can find on Pinterest. Alternatively, some may prefer free-flow video or voice recording. Whatever puts you in a place of comfort to release those stores buried deep within works great. At this point depending on how you’re feeling, you may find talking therapy useful as it provides  a safe place to begin to process these stories and reprogramming to retell them from a place of empowerment. Therapy was paramount to my healing, as it allowed me to dissect, thus unload the heavy shame I was carrying that I thought was just part of who I was. It allowed me to learn and genuinely believe that not only is it not mine now, it never was. It taught me I was worthy of more. More love, more self acceptance and more grace. To the core, we are all made of pure unconditional  love, a resource within us we can tap into whenever we need. Of course, I understand this may take a while to process, which is why having it affirmed by a therapist or coach in a safe place can be so powerful.

‘Shame dies when stories are told in safe places’- Ann Voskamp

So now with this knowledge, as daunting as it may sound, I implore you to share those stories weighing you down with close trustworthy friends , a partner or family member. See how your life and relationships will catapult upon doing this. For me, it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. As I realised I no longer had to pretend to be someone I was not,  mould my character to please whoever I was interacting with, or even be overly defensive about things. It was enough to simply be- something which once felt like an unobtainable luxury to me. It gave me a sense of safety within my body,  mind and soul which I’d never felt. A feeling so eutrophic , is extremely hard to put into words. Trauma often shows its ugly face through the shame that makes us think no-one will ever believe us or understand. But believe me, you are capable of amazing things and worthy of the utmost love, respect and understanding. I am so excited for all that is to come for you.