6 Ways to Reframe Courage as a Muscle
Reframing courage as a muscle is a concept inspired from the book ‘The Courage to be Disliked’ by ,Fumitake Koga and Ichiro Kishimi, which explores taking extreme accountability for our unhappiness within interpersonal relationships and childhood trauma. At first this seemed obscured, but then I had the realization that to achieve that pinical stage of indifference, one must first practice courage repeatedly on a smaller scale to familiarise oneself with it. Something I like to call training the courage muscle.
1. Identify Where Your Starting Point is and Begin With Grace.
Our starting point or comfort zones are different for each of us. So start by identifying the thing that makes you feel slightly uncomfortable which is met with lots of resistance and begin there. The limit for some may be public speaking, whilst for others it’s taking public transport alone, starting a business or going out for a meal or coffee alone. Wherever you may be starting from, BEGIN WITH GRACE.
The fact you are are even contemplating collecting the courage to begin is already a win and I am so proud of you for that.
Try not to do too much too soon so as to overwhelm the body. As this is a journey of reprogramming our nervous system to believe it is safe doing these things. So if we are trying do too much too soon we’ll overwhelm the body and revert back to survival mode which the body has had many years to class as familiar and thus has become second nature.
2. Mentally Prepare
Failing to plan is planning to fail
This quote often used in sports training is so fitting in this scenario. So for example, if your goal is to take public transport alone then mark it in your Calendar like you’d do an appointment. Plan the journey on maps or paper. For me it also helped having a task to do like going to get a specific item i needed from the grocery store, or collecting a fun sweet treat like Ice cream (for that well deserved dopamine). Planning well ahead gives you a greater chance of cementing the event in your mind, as doing it far enough ahead gives us time to mentally prepare that it’s going to happen and reduces chance of backing out as the date approaches. Kind of like how you know the Christmas season is going to happen each year whether you’re in the mood for it or not.
3. Utilise the Power of Affirmations
Affirmations are so powerful in reframing our nervous system and helping us believe over time, a different outcome is possible for you. This was re emphasised in a spanish class at uni, where phd students talked of how effective having post its around their home were with grammar they found incredibly difficult, then by the end of the term they were practically fluent. This shows the way difficult concepts whether it be grammar or the our ability to public speak, go out in public etc can be completely reframed by reading and seeing the same phrases several times a day. I would often have some positive ones like ‘you are capable of doing hard things’ by the door or around mirrors. See my affirmations for safety in the body blog post for more examples.
4. Have a Friend on the Phone if you can, or a Podcast or Music Playing
In the case of public transport I found this really useful when the sounds outside and in my head became too overwhelming. Having another focal point to avert my concentration helped massively. At first I had to speak to a friend or have a podcast I was really interested in, then as my comfort zone grew music became enough. For public speaking, having a comfort song or motivational speech may help to drown out the noise and focus on the task at hand.
5. and again… Give Yourself Grace for Whatever the Outcome
Whether you managed to complete the task or only get to the bus-stop that’s a greater win than you started off the day with, so be proud of yourself! It’s so easy to be really hard on yourself and remember you are your own worst critic. So comfort your nervous system as you would a young child trying something new. validate your feelings whatever they may be. As approaching this process with kindness and grace will give you the positive reinforcement you need to continue practicing courage and ultimately building a life of happiness, easy and joy.
6. Reflect on the Journey and Identify the Blocks Met
Once you’ve calmed down from the event, had some tea, basqued in complete grace and gratitude of what you’ve done, I suggest journaling to process your feelings and identify any blocks met. You can either free flow write or talk what’s on your mind which I personally find most useful. Whilst others also find journal prompts, like what you found difficult, how it made you feel what you’re proud of yourself for overcoming. See my blog post on specific journal prompts to get the most out of this and empower your future endeavours hopefully make it bit easier
To Conclude ….
I hope this rough blueprint can be somewhat helpful to you, I definitely know it would definitely have helped me all those years ago, rather than blindly going through these emotions and new experiences alone which are rarely talked about. But for those starting from the basics, I hope this sheds some light on the realities of ‘doing the healing work’ that so many glamorise, and that you’re not alone, your experience is not unique and we are all here with you cheering your on!
