How Courage Inevitably Leads To Confidence
It is my wish that this piece is received as a comforting gentle voice of reason for those of you struggling with confidence. I know first-hand how frustrating it can be to constantly be told to ‘be more confident’, as if confidence materialises out of thin air, or is a switch that can just be flick on at one’s own will. Granted, to some this can come extremely naturally due to the way they were raised and nurtured in believing that they are worthy and able to do anything they set their mind to. With this repeated positive enforcement, it is inevitable that one goes into the adulthood fully prepped to set boundaries, with no limiting beliefs in the way, ready to achieve greatness. However for those delt different cards, it may seem extremely daunting and sometimes even impossible to ‘just be confident’.
Good news is, that although it may feel like learning a completely new skill, I promise you the answers are all inside of you. You are not so much discovering your confidence as you are merely remembering it. Best thing of all is you’ll find to key to doing this right here!
The Origin of Confidence
Confidence is our default ….let me explain. It is a babies innate nature to request for their basic needs to be met, either through crying or fussing when they need to eat, be changed, soothed or put to sleep. So, when a baby sees or is held by someone they don’t feel comfortable by, they simply cry out to be removed from that situation. This is because the soul even at this young age has not yet internalised any shame, guilt or insecurity. Therefore as babies, we are able to validate our own needs. So when we feel the hunger cue or a need for our caregivers love and touch we believe it and call out for it that instance. There is no lag time for second guessing ourselves, thinking we are bothering our caregivers and sacrificing our own needs by pretending everything is okay (also known as people pleasing). We know exactly who we are, what we need and have the confidence (however blindly) to stand by it. I like to think of this knowing through Abraham Hicks’s popular concept ‘internal guidance system’. It is hence clear that this skill-set is already inside of us. It is only through abuse or repeated negative belittling and chipping away at our authentic self, either at home, school, or in in society at large that we begin to confuse our own internal guidance with those outside voices.
It is important to note that this doesn’t happen all at once . This is why it is so hard when you find yourself one day questioning how it got this bad, with your self esteem and worth in the gutter, struggling so much to trust yourself and make any decision however futile. But I promise you although you may feel helpless, you CAN return back to your authentic internal guidance system.
From Courage to Confidence
The key to returning to that innate confidence is complete trust in oneself. Trusting that we can vouch for ourselves no matter what, remove ourselves from unpleasant situations and love ourselves enough unconditionally to do this. Although this may seem like a momentous task at first, just like building a muscle, it requires repeated actions of courage. Whatever your act of courage is, no-one is saying that it won’t feel super uncomfortable making that boundary, leaving that job or partner or even just going our for that walk or coffee alone. What you are doing through this act of courage is building up trust in yourself that you can stick to your word and count on yourself. Through repeated actions of courage in your life, you’ll find yourself looking back stunned by the persons you’ve become, how confidence is simply a part of who you are. This is why confidence truly is the inevitable by-product of the repeated practice of courage. If you don’t know where to start in practicing courage, have a look at your life and notice any areas you wish to improve upon, anywhere you feel behind or that you could be doing more. From there, finetune it down to the tiniest action that will move you forward yet still feel super uncomfortable. For example with me, starting this blog I had so so many ideas yet was petrified to recreationally write after many long years of university having to write with deadlines and strict structures, not to mention the difficulty of having journals and notes in phones heavily monitored without my knowing as a child. So what I did one day was just bring my laptop out and begin to type out whatever was in my head at that moment, no pressure no title, in-fact I don’t think I ever read it back. Sometimes all we need is to break that solid ice resistance we’ve built up towards something and that can truly be the snowball into long-lasting repeated acts of courage which inevitably will lead to radiating confidence throughout you life.
I hope this acts as a warm loving reminder about who you truly are before any of those voices and opinions interfered. Know that you truly are powerful, great and have all of the answers inside of you. All you need to do is look inside to remember, and this is all done through the practice of repeated acts of courage!
